"Brother Khrystus," he said, in a down hearted, down trodden, almost ready to give up voice. "Are there any good Christian girls out there left for me? I've been trying everything and nothing seems to be working. Am I that ugly? What do I do or say wrong on a date at the movies? I buy girls expensive gifts, but always end up heart broken. I've never heard you talk much about helping people with love issues, can you give me some tips please? Is there any hope for me?"
I started smiling and looking up into the air for a little while and when I caught myself, I quickly apologized and said, "Sorry, I'm so sorry about that, I wasn't smiling after your situation, I was smiling because you really put me on a spot for real. No one has ever asked me for help with love and here again the church has failed with regards to teaching and guiding the youth in this regard so they don't end up feeling like you after rejection. Here goes, let me try and help you and be as honest as I can as I share what I've read, watched, learnt and enjoyed from my experiences. Note, these are my personal views and may not work with all ladies."
"First off, I think you are taking the wrong approach with regards to dating and/or finding a life long partner." He looked up and starting eyeing me as if he didn't want to miss a word. "If you want to find a GEM, then you have to recognize from the onset what GEMS are looking for. If you want a regular girl, then you don't have to raise your standards at all. Genuine Gems don't want men to buy their love and neither do they want to be always caught up doing the same regular activities that everyone is doing. If you really, really, really want them, you have to be prepared to steal their heart and shift their world. Buying and Giving fancy things in the earlies sends an impression that all you're after is SEX."
"How can I steal their heart Mr. Wallace? How? I've tried everything!" he commented. "Listen up Bro," I continued, "Listen up. You've probably tried things that are too common and kept God out of the picture and that's why you keep failing. Why do we always feel that we should keep God in certain things and out of others? That shouldn't be the case. We should be able to talk to him about everything and everyone and let him give the OK or Send You Elsewhere. That's the first wrong thing you've been doing."
He responded, "True!" I continued, "Having put God in the picture and introduced him to the one you are interested in or interested in getting to know more about, once He gives approval in your heart, then you have to make that ONE OF THE BEST MISSIONS YOU HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH IN YOUR LIFE. Depending on the lady's responses and what you learn about her in the process, you'll have a choice to make!"
The young man started smiling a bit and said, "Go on Mr. Wallace, I'm with you!" I continued, "Now let's get a little deeper into stealing a girl's heart and shifting her world. Going to the movies and buying your date a fancy silver or gold bracelet doesn't move her that much. That is pretty common. Probably other young men would have done that several times before, so she's accustomed and would just take your gift/gifts and add them to her jewelry box and move on from your non-creativity."
"One of the keys to shifting her world, is being creative. Although you want an immediate response, never look for anything in return and you won't be disappointed. What about showing up on her job in the middle of the morning with a freshly picked rose from your mother's garden and giving it to her with a simple, quick smile and hug? Nothing else! This will keep her mind on you for the rest of the day. She may just smile with you there, but she'll go back to work and tell her girl friends about you and she and her best friend will talk about how great that was for a long time. Trust me, I literally study women's actions and responses."
"Ask if you could take her for a walk one afternoon. Coordinate the timing right, to ensure the sun is setting and as you walk, talk about your dreams and plans for both of you and ask her about hers. Let her see that you will be willing to push her to accomplish her dreams and not just want to hurriedly get married or just get a child. Don't be too mouthy-mouthy. Ensure that you plan your route to keep her in every one's site, yet end up in a romantic area holding hands. (This may feel like a perfect moment to kiss - but DON'T - remember you want to show her that you are not all about intimacy, but you are about spending quality time too. Again - Keeping her in every one's site tends to build her trust for you and confidence that you are not just a common old man looking to get a kiss and some sex. She will love you more for not being a KISS / SEX PRESSURER!"
"Why buy a card? Why even wait until Valentines or her birthday? Sit at home and carefully design your own card and think of the best things that you have on your heart to say about her and to her. Don't use a computer. Design it with your hands and put your mind fully into it. When she receives it, she will be amazed that you took time out to do all of that and she will love your own words about her instead of buying a HALLMARK card with words somebody wrote and printed in ONE MILLION CARDS FOR LOVERS. That doesn't shift a girl's world at all."
It was like the young man was listening the best lecture of his life. I asked, "You're with me?" He answered, "Yes Sir! Yes Sir!" I smiled and continued. "Be as open and honest as you can. No one is perfect. If she does something that you do not like, correct her professionally and in love - Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (1 Corinthians 13:4 KJV)
They love that! Never mind they may play all stubborn. Many ladies love to know that the person interested in them is bold and will be able to correct them, defend them and stand out as a man."
"Eating out is very nice. Very, very, very nice, but preparing dinner, in an open enough place, with folks who will pass now and again under a little candle light, NO ALCOHOL is great. Ensure that you set this dinner up in a place where people can see and you won't be allowed to give way to your hormones taking over."
"DO NOT ORDER KFC OR CHINESE OR DOMINOES OR RED LOBSTER OR MCDONALD'S etc. Try cooking something yourself. Try a new recipe and tell your date that you wanted to do something unique and special just for her and this is her surprise. Take some skills from your mother and make sure the table is well set like a professional Chef would do it. Ensure that the table cloth is nicely ironed and the napkins folded. Even if you have to get some help, pay very special attention to every detail. Ladies like men who are well rounded, can do a bit of everything and are try to be good with their hands. (NOTE: Even if the rice is sappy or the macaroni pie sticks to the pan. A little laughter is good now and again. Don't feel bad) You'll be well on your way to stealing her heart and slowly shifting her world and her heart to another place close to yours."
"Oh yes. . . DO NOT CALL her simple common names like BABY and SWEETIE and SUGARCAKE and DARLING. This is a nice time to head to your English Thesaurus or come up with your own unique name for her. Those ones are out of style."
The gentleman was smiling and seemed like he was taking it all in and fueling up. "You must be willing to shift her world with your creativity and all the nicest most honest things you can say and do. You must always keep her engaged, not just with talking ideas, but with a little fun and child like play or little jokes."
"Ladies like ATTENTION. Soooooo - just give it to them! Depending on how far you are, dating or courting, don't ignore her when you're around your guys. Be willing to say, "anyway fellows, we'll chat another time, I'm going to get my sweet potato some ice-cream." Then, hold her hand and walk away. There is nothing wrong with opening your vehicle door if you drive or waiting and letting her stop and ride in her favorite bus or trolley. Remember, your key focus is to steal her heart, blow her mind away and shift her world."
"My goal always is to leave such an indelible mark on my date's mind so that she would never, ever, ever forget me and my creativity and respect for her and her body and my love for Christ. Even if we NEVER END UP TOGETHER, we'll always be great friends and laugh about the times we once had. Respect is ALWAYS CRITICAL. I can't remember a young lady who has become my enemy or who never reminds me of how DIFFERENT to typical boys - I AM. Let that be the same for you too."
"Well young man," I started summing up. "I hope I've given you a little insight into what it takes to really get a GEM's attention. Of course, I've given you my simplest ideas. The better ones are inside my mind and heart for that special someone someday. Who says she must be from St. Kitts or Nevis? The internet is a powerful tool - USE IT. I know there are those who say that long distance relationships don't work - but I think differently. I've dated locally and dated through the internet. Through the internet and my international lines, I've been able to do it properly and meet both daughter and win parent's hearts. Not a big deal especially when parents recognize that you're a different boy, with fresh ideas, great dreams and will take care of their daughter."
He shouted, "Me arm!" I continued. "Yes, no lie, ask my mom. She says that my mind and actions and creativity and willingness to venture further afield always amazes her. Parents overseas spoke to my mom and bought plane tickets and paid hotel expenses just their daughters to go on a date with me in St. Kitts."
"Can I tell you that from meeting someone on an online dating site, and encouraging them to pursue their dreams, I got them to enroll at Ross University in St. Kitts and live less than five minutes away from me during their time here just to see if our hearts would really connect?"
"Can I tell you that from meeting someone online, learning their schedule, plans, upcoming events etc, I creatively planned a yearly business trip to the USA just to take them to their prom? They never believed that I would make our talks on Facebook and on telephone come to pass. I had asked them what colour they were wearing months before and got my Suit and Shirt nicely tailored for the event. I was prepared to blow her world away. I paid special attention to every detail. I prayed and was very relaxed meeting her dad and BIG and when I say BIG. . . .BIG BROTHERS."
"If you know me well, I'm more than bold. She took me to meet her family members for the first time ever, they asked me the hard questions and I also stole their hearts and ohhhh what a decent fun time we had. I actually fixed their computer one my first visit to their home and then I heard a big brother say, __________ you really got yourself a WISE CARIBBEAN MAN - How ever you got this angel, you're one lucky girl."
I wish you were there for our arrival at her prom. All eyes were on this Caribbean Guy and American Gem - A Kodak Moment indeed. Her aunt was so amazed at what I had done for this young lady, especially since she had recently lost her mom, that she became our chaffeur and my good friend till today. I remember that she picked us up in her SUV, then she went for more of my good friend friends. We did have some fun. I guess you're looking for me to share a picture here RIGHT? Not this time. Only my mom and younger brother ever saw those pictures. I still hold those two prom tickets and a special letter she wrote me until today.
Stealing a Girl's Heart and Shifting her world is quite simple when you get God involved, abide by his word, have high respect for the lady and always keep your HOPE'S HIGH. Just be yourself! Never try to do extra to be cool. Most girls hate that. That's why you never see me dressed up in the latest clothes and shoes etc althought my dresser is filled with them. I just move as ME - they either like it or not.
NOTE WELL: All of the nice things that you do as you try to win her heart or while you are courting, you cannot afford to drop them when you get married.
He didn't let me close without asking me this question. "With all those nice things you do and creative ideas, why aren't you already married?" I laughed and responded, "You see friend, we should never rush things. I happen to find myself in a very unique position. I'm a counsellor. One of the issues that I deal with most are relationships. Singles and dating/courting and although I try to ask married couples to deal with someone who is married and has the expertise, a wife or husband, still always beg me to listen and hear them out and so I do. At the end of listening to married folks, I nearly always ask, "Didn't you see this before you got married?" and their responses are usually the same. "I did see that, but I thought he / she would change." I don't expect to get a lady who is PERFECT, but I believe that God will use my choice as either a stepping stone or allow it to bring me to my demise, so I pray and carefully wait for God to approve. Beauty and Gifts and Pretending never captures me and if I try to work with folks and change isn't evident, I don't want to be one who ends up saying, "I saw it before but thought she would change." I don't write off people, so there is always hope for someone who I possibly dated before and changes or adjusts a particular issue because I'm really not very hard to get along with and there is MUCH HOPE and PROMISE ahead for who ever God allows me to put a ring on their finger."
He smiled, it seemed like it was a final fitting tip and he was now shaking his head and saying, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - You're always thinking boy! You're always thinking."
Hope is Ahead for young men once they decide to go God's way and follow Dare 2 Be Different's Website - www.loveshouldlast.com as we create a NEW MINDSET IN 21st Century Lovers.
President,Techno-Evangelist, Motivational Speaker, Preacher, Youth Advocate
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