Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly? (Job 3:11 KJV)
Friend, it's really, really easy for someone to change instantly from a state of JOY and HAPPINESS into a state of DEPRESSION and feel like life is NOT WORTH LIVING ANYMORE. It's VERY EASY! It's even easier for popular folks of whom MUCH is ALWAYS EXPECTED.
I really don't know why preachers always tend to paint a bright HOPEFUL picture of their lives from the pulpit all the time and never let their audiences know that they go through trials, storms and difficulities too. I personally believe that their personal stories would do a much better job at encouraging people rather than sharing someone else's story.
If you heard me preach before in person, on radio, youtube or on a CD/DVD that you ordered, you'd know many of my sermons are packed with MY EXPERIENCES. So here goes.
Last night, having returned from speaking and inspiring the second form / 8th grade students at the Cayon High School in St. Kitts (Caribbean) as to the right career choices for the 21st century under my http://www.kwconsultingskn.com/ banner, I returned home, prepared a snack, started watching a movie while I ate, then fell into a deep state of depression and started thinking that all my business and ministry doings were just in vain and didn't make any sense at all. What a way to be thinking a few days before my 26th Birthday on July, 4th?
Yes, positive people, exciting preachers, seemingly successful people are human beings too. We have our troubles and issues to deal with just like you too. We have our dreams and ambitions that don't seem to be coming through, worrying us too. We have our regrets and triumphs also.
Job was recognized highly by God. God actually told the enemy that no one like Job could be found around that time. This same Job, a man after God's own heart, uses Chapter 3 to LET OUT and wish he wasn't born. Here's one verse, read the rest for yourself. "Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?" (Job 3:11 KJV)
I took a little walk outside and just let the tears flow. I was honestly thinking all sorts of crazy things.
1. Why didn't I just accept a fully paid offer to start medical school when I was 18?
2. Does it make any sense just using my precious time and writing these so called HOPE DEVOTIONALS, when I can be doing something else?
3. Are people really being blessed and encouraged or just reading because they are nice stories or like my writing style?
4. Am I wasting my life away in business and ministry when I can just go after my Medical Dream, then live in a big house up in the mountain or near the beach in a secluded area, away from the stresses of people and make alot of money and not help people as I'm doing now?
5. And of course the devil sent many business mistakes and regrets rushing through my mind and made me feel that I've started out wrong, so might as well I just get out of this world.
6. Does my mission centre dream make any sense at all or would it ever really come to pass? (Read about it HERE)
If you've been to my homebased business, you would probably recognize many, many of the fruit trees that are there are much older than you and I and look strong and well planted. (I'll leave that there)
After my little depressing, suicidal moment, God told me to go to my Ministry Studio Office and take up a particular folder that my mother and others put particular messages from ministry followers who CALL. Not those that email or message me directly on my BlackBerry.
God wanted to show me something. He wanted to show me how many dozens of people around the world I was encouraging by writing and preaching and posting sermons on youtube, facebook, twitter and other social networks or mailing them across the world. First on my mom's list, was the first ever lady to ring our ministry line back in August 2008 during our 1st ever crusade.
I decided to call her to see if the number still works. I didn't get her. I got her voicemail and this is what it said. "When satan knocks at your door, simply say Jesus, will you take that for me?" That was instant encouragement for me. Shortly after, she called back, having remembered my voice and flooded my soul with encouragement. She was still serving God. Actually she was now a lay minister in the Methodist Church and studying to become a chaplain. That was direct encouragement from God.
I saw messages on the papers from people in other states in the USA, then SABA, ANTIGUA and the rest of the Caribbean. What touched my heart was a telephone message my mom wrote from a prisoner in a Caribbean country who called in to get saved after he heard one of my sermons on radio. She was able to lead him to Christ.
I then sat by my computer and saw many emails of encouragement. Quite prominently standing out, were those from Brother Bob Holbert, Christ's Ambassador from North Carolina, USA who led me to Christ at Vacation Bible School some sixteen (16) years ago and who still keeps in contact 16 years after and reads my Hope Devotionals too.
As if to say, keep your fund raising efforts up and NEVER GIVE UP because your mission centre dream will come to pass, the FIRST local in 4 years from my home country to ever plant a seed in our Youth Ministry, did so on our website last night while I was penning this devotional. It was a fellow youth from NEVIS who not just verbally commended the work we were doing, but planted a small 2012 Faith seed. May God grant FAVOUR FULL and RUNNING OVER on him and every successive generation in his family-line after him. One of the prominent sections of this building would be named after this youth.
God knew that I was going through something, so he just used people on my BlackBerry Network to just start sending me broadcasts and personal messages encouraging me not to give up and fight on. They didn't know how I was feeling. The devil hates people who are serious about doing The Father's work around. Didn't you see he tried to tempt Jesus - The Son too with some bread? Why should I feel that he won't continue to try to discourage and destroy me too using his IMPS and his TACTICS?
One of the thoughts the enemy sent through my mind last night, was just to shut down ALL my websites because they are not making an impact. This was something I could do anywhere in the world in less than TEN seconds with the click of ONE BUTTON since I build them myself and control every aspect. It was then God told me to check the top ten visitors to our ministry websites for this week so far. When I checked, the top 10 were, in this order from most visitors per capita, USA, RUSSIA, CANADA, ST. KITTS-NEVIS, UNITED KINGDOM, MALAYSIA, BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS, COLUMBIA, JAPAN, GERMANY. (This in no means account for the many other countries that visit)
Friend, one day, in God's time, not ours, things will change for both you and I. Let's agree together. If we fall, we'll get back up. If we slip, we'll learn from it and keep on going. We can't afford to give up now! We can't throw in the towel! We can't commit suicide! All we should do is, keep on praying, keep on pushing, keep on running until we reach the prize.
It's sad though, just last week, two clients of mine who spoke to me in confidence made quite similar statements. They said, "Talking to pastors or counsellors now a days when one is feeling down or depressed or suicial or going through something trying, is like going to the front of the CHURCH and saying it on the MICROPHONE because soon as you tell the pastor in confidence, the entire church knows and start looking at you funny." How Sad! Where are the true PASTORS? Are those who are suppose to be helping and listening the hurting, doing more harm than good?
A lady who called into my Saturday Youth Rap Radio program on Dominion Radio 91.5FM in St. Kitts and carried live on my website http://www.d2bdifferent.com/ from 11am EST last Saturday, contacted me crying. "Brother Khrystus, you're doing a great job with the youth. Thank You! Thank You! I wish it had a Khrystus Wallace in the USA too."
Shortly after, I got a Blackberry message from a lady in the United Kingdom who listens too and receives our Hope Messages. She said, "You're doing a great work so you cannot come down. I wish my children can get in contact with you so you can impact them now."
These are the people, along with you readers and radio listeners, and the students that I have to motivate as featured speaker at some graduations this year, that keep me going. I don't know if you understand how much I want to hear YOUR TESTIMONIES having followed Dare 2 Be Different for years and remained HOPEFUL.
Friend, let's encourage and mobilize each other. We all have issues and challenges to deal with. The fact is, while you may try to talk about my situations, you probably don't know where your husband or wife slept last night. While you bad talk the neighbour, your children are on drugs or doctors can't find what's wrong with you. Let's stop forcing people into a state of depression. Let's work with them. Let's see their needs and where we can help or advise, let's do just that. I am talented in one way to help you and you are blessed in another way to help me. That's really how the world should work, but many of us have grown SELFISH and INHUMANE and NON-CARING. We wait for people to fall before we wish for them to RISE.
I know that I'm not the only youth to have ever felt suicidal. There are many others I deal with weekly. There are many adults who smile on the outside but pain on the inside and think suicide too. Don't Give Up!
Friend, I'm still seeking God as to whether or not I should continue doing what I do locally or advance in ministry or missions, and take our ministry doings around the world, or just STOP now and let the world live off the hundreds of devotionals I penned already.
In all of this though, I'm Not Giving Up - So Don't Give Up Either! A special, special, special thanks to those who are always there for me. Those who hold me up in prayer instead of pulling me down with your tongues. May you receive a DOUBLE BLESSING from TODAY. Those who read and call or email or Blackberry message me, you are the GASOLINE in my TANK. THANK YOU!
I'm happy that God knows how to intervene to encourage me when I'm low and how he uses people, my ministry impact and stories from the Bible that I've studied for years to motivate me. Job lost EVERYTHING and didn't give up. Why should you or I? God blessed him with far more and far better than he had before AFTER his pain and trials. He will do the same for us too.
I'm happy, that you didn't wake up today to HEADLINES all across the world saying, HOPE MESSENGER KHRYSTUS WALLACE COMMITS. . . .
Don't Judge me - there are many other potential suicide victims out there. Sadly, they are not as fortunate as me to have ready and instant encouragement because they fear talking to pastors and counselors who many times are not confidentional. If you are one - JUST HANG ON and TRUST GOD NOW! You will make it too! I'll be happy to talk with you anywhere around the world, that's why God is using me to write. Contact me for an appointment.
As the voicemail of the first ever person to ring our Prayer Line (869-465-5914) in 2008 said, "When satan knocks at your door, simply say Jesus, will you take that for me?" Let's move forward with that attitude, that Jesus will take care of every ISSUE for us.
Hope is Ahead!